Forbidden Words
by pixie-kura
Summary: It's Kurapika's b-day and he's waiting for a certain SOMEONE to come. Gon and Killua are ecstatic too, but something happens the day before, April 3 . . . *yaoi* deathfic


Forbidden Words  
  
Everything waits . . . until it's too late . . .  
  
The afternoon melted into dusk, the bright blue sky outside turning a deep purple. As stars appeared and the heavens darkened, the boy's sapphire eyes shone the more.   
  
His lithe, almost feminine figure sat on the recliner, still and waiting. Almost a half hour passed and he stood up suddenly, making his way towards the phone. He reached for it but before his skin could come in contact with it, the front door opened, and hurried footsteps were heard from the other side of the house. The door to his right opened, revealing Gon and Killua.  
  
"Hey Kurapika, have you called Leorio yet?" Gon asked, walking towards him. Both of the kids just came from a walk in the park and Gon had on his usual apple green outfit and wide smile.  
  
"Just about to," he answered smoothly, taking the phone off its hook.  
  
"What?!" Killua exclaimed, joining the two in front of the mahogany coffee table. "You haven't? Why didn't you do it earlier? What if he doesn't get here on time?"  
  
"He will," He answered, raising an eyebrow at the tense kid. He seems to be . . . so nervous. Then again, he's probably excited to see their friend after such a long time. /But I'm sure not as much I do/ "Time differences, Killua. He's in a region twelve times ahead, remember?" Which just shows all the more that he's far away.   
  
"Oh, right. So you calling him now?" the young boy persisted.  
  
"Yeah," he answered, nervousness creeping up on his nerves. Just one phone call and he'll be here. Just one request and if granted, he'll no longer have to miss the older boy. But what if he's rejected? No, Leorio won't do that. Dialing the number with his beautiful, almost perfect fingers, he waited for the doctor to pick up.  
  
It rang once, twice, and thrice. The longer he waited, the more he became hopeless. The two kids were starting to get impatient and finally settled on a fistfight right in front of him. He took little notice as he tried to recalculate the time differences. Maybe he was mistaken. But if he is, then . . .   
  
"Hello?" a man's voice inquired sleepily. "Who's this?"  
  
His breath suddenly got caught in his chest. It had been such a long time since the last he had heard of his friend's voice . . .   
  
"Hello? Leorio?" he replied, catching the attention of the boys who were fighting. The two froze and he quirked an eyebrow at their position, Killua's foot in Gon's face while Gon had his elbow on the other's mouth.  
  
"Yeah, who's this?" Leorio's voice brought his focus back on the phone call. The elder boy's normal cheery voice however, sounded annoyed and groggy.  
  
"Me, Kurapika," he answered simply.  
  
"Good morning, Mr. Ku-Kurapika?!" Leorio exclaimed, fully awake. He heard a 'thud' from the other end of the line, which was probably the older boy falling off the bed. "What is it? Is there any problem?"  
  
"None."  
  
"You wake me up because of nothing?!" he exclaimed, an edge in his voice. "Not only that, you made me fall off my bed! Ow!"  
  
"You alright?" He asked and rushed on without waiting for an answer," Well, I just wanted to check up on you. It's been a long time, you know."  
  
"Yeah, almost a year," he replied in his usual offhand manner, a bit of remorse in his words. "But you could have called me a bit later! It's so early in here . . ."   
  
"Leorio, it's already nine in the evening here. If I had called you later, I would be loosing sleep and you most probably have left for the hospital by then. It's eight in the morning there already, isn't it?" he asked and was rewarded by Leorio's silence that he took into meaning as 'yes'. "Thought so. You haven't changed a bit! You still wake up late!"  
  
"Hey!" Leorio said defensively. "I just didn't want to wake up, you know? I had a beautiful dream . . ." And his voice trailed of as he realized that 'that' wasn't a very good reason.  
  
"Of women," he finished.   
  
"Of beautiful women," Leorio corrected.  
  
"Leorio . . ." he said, heaving an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Okay, okay . . . so what's up?"   
  
He remained silent for a moment, trying to collect himself. He had forgotten what it was like with Leorio, the guy's pervert-like ways and . . .   
  
Thud. "Ow!"  
  
. . . clumsiness.  
  
"Leorio?" he asked, only slightly alarmed. Seemingly, he's still the only one among them four who is not accident-prone. /And to think I almost believed they'll change with time. /   
  
"I'm fine, Kurapika," Leorio answered the question he never asked. "So we were talking about . . ?"  
  
"You were asking me what's going on," he replied.  
  
"No, I was asking you what's up . . . so, what's up?" Leorio answered and from his tone of voice, Kurapika decided that the other was smiling.  
  
"Nothing much," he said, using the old coldness of his to cover his nervousness. "Leorio, do you know what's happening a few days from now?"  
  
"Your birthday," came the quick answer, which took him back a bit. The older boy waited for any kind of response and when he didn't get any said, "Kurapika? Hey, are you still there? I was right, wasn't I? It's the second of April already . . ."  
  
Kurapika stared back at Gon and Killua, a bit stunned, a bit relieved, a bit confused and . . . a bit flattered. He knew he was blushing and his heart was beating fast, but the cause of his reactions he really can't tell. /What's the matter with me? Hey, this is just Leorio, my best pal! /  
  
"Kurapika?" came the reluctant call.  
  
"Uh, yeah?" he answered back, his senses still reeling. Pretending he was fixing the strands of blonde hair that kept on getting into his line of vision, he tried to hide from the kids the blush that was slowly disappearing from his face. Luckily, neither of the two noticed it.  
  
"Hey, are you alright?" Leorio asked, a slightly calm alarm evident in his voice.  
  
"Sure," he replied as he felt his heart return to its normal beating. /What's happening to me? / Taking a deep breath, he tried to steady himself before continuing. "Sure. I'm fine, Leorio."  
  
"If you say so," Leorio said doubtfully. "Anyway, I was right, wasn't I? It will be your birthday in a few days, right? Fourth of April?"  
  
"Ah, yes," he answered, finally getting himself together. "I was wondering if you would be able to come Leorio. Gon and Killua are already here and it would be just wonderful if you are too, seeing I don't have any other people to celebrate it with." He paused for a while and taking another breath of life-giving air, rushed on without stopping, "Of course it's alright if you can't. After all, this place is almost as far as you can get from there and you have many duties at the hospital."   
  
"Hey, slow down, Kurapika," the young doctor said, a slight shock noticeable in his voice. "Don't worry. I'll be there."  
  
"You will be?"  
  
"Of course! How can I miss teasing you of growing another year older?" the older boy said in a serious note, and then burst out laughing.  
  
"Leorio!" he hissed threateningly.  
  
"Just kidding," Leorio hastily said, his laughter dying out. "Kurapika, I was planning on being there anyway, you didn't have to ask me to come."  
  
"But what about your duties?"  
  
"I've taken care of them. My vacation starts today and that's why I wasn't up early."  
  
"Oh . . . So you really will be here?"  
  
"Don't worry. I promise I'll be there and I will be, alright? I've never broken a promise before, now have I? I wouldn't miss my best friend's birthday even for all the riches in this world."  
  
"Still . . ." his voice trailing off with doubt.  
  
"Hey, why won't you believe me?" Leorio asked, hurt.  
  
"Because knowing you, maybe you'll meet another girl and you'll go flirting and forget about it," he said without really thinking. /Oh, great going, Kurapika. /  
  
"What are you talking about?" Leorio feigned innocence, a frown forming in his lips.   
  
"You know what I'm talking about." came the curt reply.  
  
"Oh, alright," he said, giving up. "So maybe that happens sometimes -- okay, a lot of times -- but you have my word this time, Kurapika. Girls won't stop me from getting there." Then, as if feeling the statement wasn't enough, added, "Not even death will."  
  
A smile appeared upon his lips. It was so unusual for him however, that he quickly wiped it off. "Then I'll expect your arrival, okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Actually, my plane's leaving this afternoon," the other replied.  
  
Before he can respond, Gon had the phone in his hands as the kid thought their conversation was over with Kurapika's last sentence. "Hello, Leorio? It's me, Gon. When will you get here? Killua . . ."  
  
Slowly, steadily, Kurapika walked back to his room, leaving the two young boys fighting over the phone. He took off the blue tunic he was wearing, revealing thin white silk plain pants and shirt beneath. With the comforting thought that his closest friend will be with him in a few hours time, he fell into a deep sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
"Kurapika?"  
  
A young child's voice woke him up from his deep slumber. /Gon? / Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he sat up and faced the kid who stood next to his bed.  
  
"Yeah? Gon, what is it?" he asked sleepily. He took a glance at his alarm clock that stood on the bedside table, next to a picture frame holding a photo of them taken the last time they were together. Having a hard time reading it, he reached for it and accidentally knocked the frame off the desk. It landed on the cold floor without any sound of the cover glass breaking and he sighed in relief as he bent down to retrieve it. He turned it around so that the smiling faces would face him, and gasped as the whole thing was brought to light. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he gently traced with a finger the crack cutting straight through the image of Leorio, while all other parts of the glass covering the picture remained tact.  
  
"Kurapika, it's Leorio . . ." Gon said, his voice trailing off.  
  
Prying his eyes off the picture, he placed it back on its place in the table and looked at the clock. It read eight in the morning. /I've overslept a bit. But why is this kid up so early . . . ah, I know. / Making a few rough and quick calculations, he placed a chained hand upon the younger boy's shoulder and said, "Gon, Leorio just left a few hours ago. It'll be a few more before he'll arrive."  
  
"Kurapika, no . . ." Killua said, appearing suddenly next to Gon. "Leorio isn't coming."  
  
"What do you mean, Killua?" he asked, side-glancing at the little kid as he straightened out parts of the wrinkled bed sheet around him. "You're not playing a prank on me, are you? Leorio promised he'll be coming . . . just a bit more -- maybe he'll be here around lunch. You two try to find something to do until then."  
  
He was looking at the mirror across the room and noting his disheveled hair when the silence of his two companions struck him. He looked up quickly, only to find the two staring at each other with hesitant looks on their eyes. Both of which however, were brimming with tears.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, fear creeping up his voice. "Gon, what is it? Killua, what's the matter?"  
  
"Kurapika, his plane crashed. Leorio's dead," Killua said flatly, turning to him and giving him a sympathetic look.   
  
Everyone knows that he and Leorio are the best of pals while Killua and Gon stuck around each other. Everyone knows how cold Kurapika is and how it was only the three of them who can get to him. And everyone who would happen to know that it was mainly Leorio to whom Kurapika turns to whenever there is something wrong, or he's loosing himself in despair and pain, would know how much it would hurt him to hear those words.   
  
And to be hurt is an understatement for the loss of a comrade, a companion, a friend whom you have considered as the only thing you have left as you have lost everyone else is far more painful than anything else.  
  
"No."  
  
"Kurapika," Gon said soothingly, watching as his friend pull his knees closer to his chest, his head buried on the palms of his hands.   
  
"No. No. No." came the sweet mournful chanting being followed by incoherent words that Gon took as words from the Kuruta's language.  
  
"Kurapika," he called again, this time bringing a hand towards his friend's shoulder. Kurapika started shivering and sobs shook his whole body.  
  
"NO! You're LYING! I do NOT believe you!" he screamed, raising his head from his hands and staring at the melancholic faces of Gon and Killua. His voice was stubborn and firm but tears were streaming down his face, his eyes scarlet with sadness.   
  
"He's dead," Killua said again and tears flowed from the usually emotionless eyes. Taking a step closer, he placed his hand upon the older boy's back and traced calming circles on it, as he had seen Leorio do once. "Kurapika, he's dead."  
  
"No . . ."  
  
~*~  
  
Gon and Killua stayed and waited for Kurapika to calm down and stop crying. He didn't, but he fell asleep from exhaustion after a few hours -- around lunch, the time Leorio with his goofy grin would have been on his door, knocking and waiting to be allowed in. In any other day they would have been sitting around the dinner table eating the food Kurapika would have prepared for them, or out in the park eating ice creams and packed lunches, but today they lay side by side on their bed, looking up at the ceiling silently. No one said a word.  
  
~*~  
  
He woke up again around midnight and started sobbing in his room harder than the two in theirs. The next day, his birthday, passed slowly and painfully. The kids cooked their own meals and took turns trying to get him to eat, but it was no use. He just cried himself in and out of sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
He woke up from another one of those pleasant false dreams. /These can never be true, never. Leorio's no longer with us and all I have left is Gon and Killua. They're just illusions . . . /  
  
He rubbed his eyes and hiccuped, his breath taking on that staggering that comes after a long cry. He glanced at the clock and realized it was almost midnight before tears started to blur his vision again. His birthday has almost come to an end, he was a year older now, but Leorio hasn't been there. Letting his emotions control him again, he allowed himself to be taken into the bittersweet remedy to his sadness -- crying.  
  
"You're upset about something, aren't you?" an accusing voice from behind stated rather than asked. He ignored the voice as he knew whose it was and decided he was still dreaming.  
  
"Kurapika . . . what's wrong? You should be happy, it's your birthday!" a sunny voice jestingly said, as he felt movement from where the person stood beside the window towards him. "Kurapika . . ."  
  
"Leorio, go away! You're dead!" he shouted at what he thought were the voices inside his head.  
  
"In your heart too?" asked Leorio as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. Kurapika looked up, saw him, and looked away, crying all the more. "No, you'll always stay in my heart!"  
  
Leorio sat next to him on the bed and gently stroke the fine strands of blonde hair. He muttered soothing words and after a while, reached over and turned Kurapika towards him. "Happy birthday," he said softly.  
  
The blue eyes widened in shock and Kurapika gaped at him, speechless. His eyes started turning crimson and the chains upon his hand started to move involuntarily.  
  
"Hey, what's the matter?" the young doctor asked, placing a hand on one of the younger boy's temples which moved down to his neck, chest, and on to his back. "It looks like you've seen a ghost."  
  
"Leorio," he moaned, his eyes still transfixed on the figure in front of him that was impossibly solid. "This can't be real. If I'm going to hurt more when I wake up upon seeing you here, then please don't let me dream at all," he said, tears flowing down again from his eyes, as he found it harder to breath. For a moment he was lost in the pain before everything came back into focus and then he felt himself go dizzy and he fell back on the bed, gasping for air.  
  
"Kurapika, are you alright?" asked Leorio, leaning closer to look at him as a frown appeared on his face. Kurapika had his eyes shut tight, his chest falling and rising quickly as his breath quickened. "Hey, come on."  
  
He felt himself being lifted up, and all he could do was cry out. His whole body was screaming out in pain and he knew he'll pass out soon from the lack of oxygen.  
  
Then everything was all fine. The room was once again clear to him and the throbbing in his head stopped. He heard a sigh of relief behind him and he turned around, only to get his eyes locked with brown ones. "What happened to you? Too depressed over my death?" asked a teasing voice.  
  
"You . . . Leorio, why are you here?" Kurapika asked back. Feeling suddenly exhausted, he took notice of an arm wrapped loosely around his waist and laid back on his friend's warm chest. He smiled, it was just like Leorio to be warm even in death.  
  
"A promise," he replied, stroking his hair gently. "I promised you that I will be here on your birthday, haven't I? I have until dawn to remain with you . . ."  
  
"And then you are leaving?"  
  
"Yes, but I will not be totally gone," he said, taking one of Kurapika's slender hands in his and raising it towards the lovely boy's chest, near the heart. "I'll always be here."  
  
"Easy for you to say," he responded, pulling his hand away and raising it to his pale cheeks to dry his tears. "You don't know how hard it will be without you."  
  
"I do," he said softly into the younger boy's ears.  
  
Silence fell upon the room. Kurapika felt not at all uneasy with their position even though in normal conditions he would have been scampering away. He tried to imagine what it will be like without Leorio but failed and ended up with a sob escaping from his lips.  
  
"Hush," the older man stated, rubbing gentle circles across his back just as he had for so many times and had Killua yesterday. "Don't cry, I'm here."  
  
"For the night," he said. "Only for the night . . . but you did come. Thank you, Leorio."  
  
"It's okay. A promise, remember? And I told you that even death won't stop me!" he replied, a bit of his old bragging note in his voice as a laugh rumbled out of him.  
  
"Yeah . . ." he agreed, looking at the other's eyes. They were colored a soft brown and there never was a time that his friend's eyes failed to draw him to the doctor. Such eyes that kept on making him believe that he was worth something whenever they were laid upon him, that he was never alone and that someone believes in him. "It won't be the same without you."  
  
"Yes, but you have to go on . . . Hey, Kurapika, do you remember the first time we met?" he suddenly asked, his tone shifting from somber to jolly suddenly. "I almost beat the hell out of you, remember?"  
  
"As I remember it, I was the one who had been stronger back then," he corrected. /Even now I'm still the one who's stronger. / "And it never got finished because a crew member was thrown overboard and we had to save him along with Gon."  
  
"Yeah, that was when I grabbed on to your ankles," Leorio reminisced, looking out of Kurapika's bedroom window and at the star-scattered sky.   
  
The moonlight illuminated Leorio's face and Kurapika found himself staring at it. /It'll be the last night. The last time I'll be able to look at him. /  
  
"Kurapika?" the young doctor called as he felt the Kuruta curl down against his body.  
  
/And the last time I can be in his arms. /  
  
  
"Hey, are you alright?" he asked again, his hand gently tilting Kurapika's face upward to be able to look into his eyes.  
  
/And the last time he'll hold me and I'll be able to look into his soulful eyes in which I can always find myself drowning in. /  
  
"I'm fine, Leorio," he finally replied shakily. "Just tired . . ."  
  
"Then rest," the older replied, stroking back his hair with gentle fingers. "I know you need it. You haven't slept for some time now, I know."  
  
"No," he refused, one hand reaching up to Leorio's and pulling it away from his face and towards his chest. /I don't want to waste any of this last few hours with you. /  
  
Leorio looked at him disapprovingly and with incredible strength, lifted him off of him and placed him down on the bed. "I'll be here all night, watching you, so don't worry."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"No . . ." Kurapika muttered as his eyes fluttered close and he fell into a blissful, peaceful sleep.  
  
"Sleep tight, Kurapika." He tucked the blankets closer around the boy's body and sat next to him, stroking and admiring the beautiful blonde hair that framed the lovelier face. "Sleep tight."  
  
~*~  
  
Dawn broke and Leorio stood next to the window, his eyes brimming with tears as he realized that he has to return, has to leave.  
  
"I never got to tell him," he softly said to himself. "Death will take away the sting I guess." He glanced back at the boy who lay beneath the flimsy white blanket, sleeping soundly. "Even if you don't know how I feel . . . just remember that I will be here for you always." He returned to his gaze to the scene outside, the orange sky starting to turn lighter. A tear slid from his eyes down to his cheek and dripping down his chin. "My last tears," he said in a self-mocking tone. "And my last day."  
  
~*~  
  
He squinted at the light that seem to fill the whole room. Remembering what had happened last night, his eyes popped open in search of Leorio but instinctively closed shut as the blinding white light got into his eyes. "Leorio," he called, one hand reaching anywhere, groping for his friend.  
  
"I'm here, Kurapika," said a voice to his right. he opened his eyes and waited for them to adjust to the light. When they did, he gasped at what he saw as tears started streaming down his face yet again.   
  
Leorio was quickly disappearing, fading from view. he turned around and faced him, flashing him one last smile.  
  
Kurapika got out of bed hastily but stumbled upon the blankets entangled with his legs. Biting back a curse, he managed to get them off and fell on the floor. Standing up and running towards the dismaterializing figure, he tripped upon his own feet and fell heavily on her elbows.  
  
"Kurapika . . ." Leorio said, his eyes showing sadness for a moment then quickly turning back to its usual soft brown. "Kurapika, I want you to live . . . live your life to the fullest my friend."  
  
"I can't without you!" he shouted, lying on his stomach upon the floor, sobbing.  
  
"Of course, you can. I'll always be in your heart and Gon and Killua will be there to help you . . . live a happy life, kurapika," he replied and completely faded away.  
  
"Leorio . . ."  
  
He suddenly found his footing and stood up, walking towards the place the other had been standing a while ago and looked outside the window with his beautiful blue cerulean eyes.  
  
"I will live my life happily for you. Thank you for fulfilling your promise to me, Leorio and . . ."  
  
The sun rose, settling its first ray of warm sunlight upon his blonde head. Savoring the heat before turning away he whispered into the cold morning air, "Ai shiteru."   
  
The End  
  
-= Standard Disclaimers applied, the idea for this fic is by pixie-atme =- 


End file.
